Crème Brûlée - K.I.S.S

Crème Brûlée is one of those classic French dessert recipes that people seem to insist on "enhancing": adding bits of fruit, nuts or - worse still - oatmeal! Crème Brûlée is Crème Brûlée. It is beautiful, it is perfect and it doesn't need fiddling with. So K.I.S.S (Keep It Simple Stupid)

Serves six
Ingredients:
500ml Double Cream
1 Vanilla pod
100g (4oz) caster sugar (plus extra for the topping)
3 egg yolks
2 whole eggs

Method:

• Pre-heat the oven to gas Mk1 (140C°/275°F)
  Pour the cream into a saucepan. Split the vanilla pod lengthways and scrape the seeds into the cream.


• Chop the empty pod into bits, and add these too. Bring to boiling point, then turn off the heat and put a lid on. Leave to infuse for five to ten minutes.


• Beat the sugar and all the eggs together in a large heat-proof bowl until pale and creamy.


• Bring the cream back to just about boiling point, then pour over the egg mixture, whisking all the time until thickened – (NOTE you don’t want it boiling otherwise the mixture will begin to cook)


• Strain through a fine sieve into a large jug, then use this to fill 6 ramekins about two thirds full.


• Place the ramekins in a large roasting tray and pour in enough hot water to come halfway up their sides.


• Place on the centre shelf and bake for 40 minutes to one hour, or until the custards are just set and still a bit wobbly in the middle.


• Remove from the water and allow to cool to room temperature.

When you're ready to serve, evenly sprinkle one level teaspoon of caster sugar over the surface of each Crème, then caramelise with a blowtorch. Leave to cool for a couple of minutes.

VERDICT: KISS & KISS MY PHAT ASS! FAB

Kota a.k.a. Bunny Chow SA Style

I had two of these whilst in SA. Its a lunchtime standard for kids in the township schools. It cost about R32 which is around £2.80 and this one consisted of the following;

Ingredients

• Russian - similar to German susage
• Chips - Fries
• Special - similar to palony
• Atchaar - mixed spicey vegetable pickle
• Ham
• Half of half a loaf of bread
  

VERDICT: HEART ATTACK INDUCING MEAL IN ONE, AND I WOULD BUY ONE AGAIN!!!

Vanilla Panna Cotta with Berry's

This creamy pudding, flavoured with vanilla seeds, is so simple to make, even a drunk blind tart could make this!

Ingredients
4 leaves Quick Dissolving Fine Leaf Gelatine
568ml pot Double Cream
200ml Semi-Skimmed Milk
175g Caster Sugar
1 Vanilla Pod, halved and seeds removed.
Serves: 6

Method

1. Soak the gelatine leaves in cold water for at least 4-5 minutes
2. Place the cream, milk, sugar and vanilla seeds in a pan with a heavy base
3. Slowly bring to the boil over a medium heat, stirring occasionally, until the sugar has dissolved
4. Remove from the heat then take the gelatine leaves one by one, squeeze out the excess water and stir into the cream mixture until dissolved
5. Rinse out 6 x 150ml pudding moulds with cold water but do not dry
6. Divide the panna cotta mixture between them
7. Cool and then chill in the refrigerator for 2-3 hours until set
8. To serve, dip the moulds one at a time into hot water for 10 seconds, then turn out onto plates
9. Decorate with fresh raspberries

VERDICT: ORGASMIC!!!!!!!!

Butternut Soup

My Boys HEART this soup!! Served with some garlic bread its yummylicious! Enjoy

1 fresh butternut squash, peeled, seeded and cubed
1 large onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, crushed
2 cups of chicken stock
Half a cup cream
1 tsp curry powder
A squirt of Worcestershire sauce
Salt and black pepper

1. Toss the chopped onion and garlic in a pot and sauté, don't burn or caramelise. They must be translucent but still white.
2. Add the peeled butternut and chicken stock and bring to the boil.
3. When the butternut is soft, mash (as in MASH, don't liquidise or pulverise!).
4. Add the other ingredients and stir.
5. Season to taste with salt and pepper

VERDICT: WE HEART IT!!

Mothers Day Disaster 102

DEVILS FOOD CAKE

HISSY FIT UNDER CONTROL - SCOOPED UP CAKE

HISSY FIT MOMENT

DEVILS FOOD CAKE - from the Magnolia Bakery cookbook

Ok Ok I know what you thinking "it doesn't look THAT bad" but honestly as I watched it overflow making my oven dirty I wanted to cry!!! Mohapi looked at me like I was crazy! I was throwing a hissy fit!! Poor child, thought his mom was going insane, all he had to say was "WOW"

After I regrouped I scraped what had overflowed into a heap (see pix) and said a few hail marys and an our father for good measure!!!

From disaster to triumph, cake turned out lush!! I used galaxy chocolate in the icing and the cake itself! VERY CALORIFIC!!! THAT'S how I Like It!!! This cake melts in my mouth, I think its to do with the folding in of the beaten egg whites???!!!

VERDICT - SOFT, MOIST HEAVEN!!! (I've been called THAT hehehe) Then I wonder why my booty enters the room 5 minutes after I've entered!!!

Mothers Day Disaster 101

CHOCOLATE CHIP PEANUT BANANA LOAF!!!

OMFG!!!! HORRID, VILE!!!

The black stuff are the chocolate chips btw! In its defence Jennifer Apple and Allysa Torey authors of the THE MAGNOLIA BAKERY BOOK do state the following "It's the peanuts that add a bit of crunch and texture to this breakfast and teatime favourite. A healthy treat that's not overly sweet - enjoy" TWO WORDS jump out at me BREAKFAST and HEALTHY!!! I should have steered well away from this recipe anything with peanuts in is a no no in my books remember my Strawberries and cream Meringue Cake !!! Mohapi spat it out and quit frankly I don't blame him! THIS CAKE IS SHIT!! WE DON'T EAT SHIT IN MY HOUSE!!

VERDICT - HATED IT!!!!

Happy Mothers Day - UK

The majority of the world celebrates Mothers Day celebrates Mothers Day on the 2nd Sunday in May, so to all the UK mummy's HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!

Now one would think I would not lift a finger on MY special day of rest and pampering, y'all obviously don't live in MY world! The life of a single mummy! I was expecting the usual grunts from my 14 year old, why do they think conversing is no longer necessary because they are hormonal?? Anywhoo my hormonal teen made me a card which read "To My Mother, if someone said to me your mom is the best I would be like "Yah Daym Skippey, Love B'One"" I was/am touched BLESS!! (btw if anyone can translate it would be much appreciated, lololol)) I must admit I would have been seriously pissed off if he'd just done the usual grunting! Mo "bought" mummy some cheapo smellies, notebook and a book marker, can't believe the school managed to buy all that with MY £3!!! I HEART ALL MY GIFTS!!

I digress, this singly mummy attempted baking on Mothers Day BIG MISTAKE!! WHAT A FRIGGEN DISASTER!!!!!! Check out my Mothers Day Disasters in the upcoming posts!!

I'M GONA SIP COCKTAILS COS IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!

Cooking, Cocktails, Cock!! What a weekend!

I was told to be ready at 6 sharp. I was ready at 6 sharp, collected and dropped off at the Electric Cinema, best seats in the house, watched Gran Torino EXCELLENT! Clint does it again, how come he was not nominated for an Oscar?? After I was whisked away to a 4 Star restuarant where we were serenanded by a 2 peice band, FAB! Food was FAB, Service 10/10, Company even better and the Cocktails were friggen amazin! I HEART all my prezzies! I've been coveting this book for yonks and I finally got it, Thank you SkyRocket22!!!

Birthday morning kicked off with some Coffee Fudge Cake!!!! By midday there was not even one piece left! I spent my actual BIRTHDAY doing ZERO, I DID IT MY WAY!!! PERFECT!

You are always on my mind!!

SOUF AFICA is always on my mind especially now as the countdown has begun!! 24 days to go and in between I've had loads of nice lil distractions! Its my birthday in a few days time! I can't wait to bask in the glory of being 21! Its amazing! I'm going to spend my 21st baking, cooking, eating and doing sweet FA (Fuck All), just the perfect day to spend MY birthday! I will post pix!

I've also managed to FINALLY complete the new layout of my lounge, I hope to put up BEFORE and DURING pix and to one day, not in the too distant future, to put up AFTER pix, then I will start my next project/s! Project list so far:

1. My Bedroom - That John Reeves bed has my name all over it!

2. Bo's bedroom

3. Mo's bedroom

4. Kitchen

5. Renovations - I hope to build a sun room extension!

AMBITION IS A GOOD THANG!!!!!!

DIY 102

THIS is my second project. I'd been looking around for a TV stand that was "unique", white hi-gloss and functional. So I did what I do, search the www for something suitable. After having seen pricing for TV stands most of which were FUGLY I decided on another DIY project. So I found myself once AGAIN searching through other peoples shite and I found this on EvilBay for less than £70 but in my stupidity I didn't factor in the collection costs (blondish moment). So I ended up driving 1000 miles to collect it, but it was all worth it (false economy). I also learnt something new on collection, most of the furniture from the 1970's is not solid wood, this great discovery was made when I happily told the seller that I planned to sand it down and repaint and he gently broke the news to me! I learn something new everyday! That didn't stop me from sanding it though, so I did my THANG and voila I LOVES IT!!!

DIY 101

Moi is very proud of this DIY 101!!! I was inspired by The Bitches on BEtc! The UK seems to be BIG on DIY, in SA I would never have attempted anything like this! With this particular DIY it all started because I have this dream of owning this (http://www.heals.co.uk/Furniture/Louis-Four-Poster-Bed-Frame-by-John-Reeves/invt/louisposter) John Reeves Bed, and originally I thought I would buy the two bedside tables until I saw the price tag = £386.60 PER BEDSIDE TABLE!! I found these on EvilBay whilst looking through other peoples SHITE, lol!! They were on auction with a starting bid of £20 and luckily I was the only bidder and won! Check out my pix!!

Birthday Cake

Another year ANOTHER Birthday party! I thought this year I will try bake the themed birthday cake myself instead of handing over £40 (credit crunch 'n all that, lol) soooooo this being my VERY FIRST attempt at a themed birthday cake, I think it turned out pretty well!

ADVICE

Be organised, get all the ingredients. Save time by buying coloured ready made icing which you just roll out and shape/cut into size! I had lost the will to live by the time it got around to icing it, did my best, lololol!!

DOWNER

I didn't bake the cake for long enough so was not 100% baked (YES I did the skewer test), it still tasted FAB, 8 year old's didn't seem to mind, lolol **BAD MUMMY**

I enjoyed the experience!!

"Obama" Does Single Ladies - FUNNY!!

I need to get back to posting recipes, but I just couldn't resist sharing this one with you! LMAO!

Hillary Rodham Clinton

WORD!!!!

Hillary Clinton is now the Secretary of State for the USA, how inspirational! We live in such amazing times!! She is an amazing, intelligent woman and I know she will kick ass! GO HILLARY!!!

At Last The First Dance

This makes me feel all warm and fuzzy!!! The lyrics also gave me goose bumps, B NAILED IT YET AGAIN!!!!! God Bless Mr & Mrs Obama I HEART THEM!!

At last, my love has come along
My lonely days are over
And life is like a song
Oh, yeah, at last
The skies above are blue
My heart was wrapped up in clovers
The night I looked at you
I found a dream that I could speak to
A dream that I can call my own
I found a thrill to rest my cheek to
A thrill that I have never known
Oh, yeah when you smile, you smile
Oh, and then the spell was cast
And here we are in heaven
For you are mine
At last

Prawn and Chicken Salad

Bokang HEARTS this so much so he irritates me by putting in an order almost on a weekly basis!! Its a very easy recipe and my friend in SA introduced me to it! Excuse the manky looking dish, I also remember for this dish I didn't use chicken breast because I had so many other meaty dishes! I'm going to be showcasing more South African dishes so don't move that mouse!!

INGREDIENTS

Prawns

Chicken Breasts

Mango Chutney - I use Mrs Balls Original Chutney

Hellmann's Mayo

Tomatoes

Lettuce

Cucumber

Cashew Nuts

Cook chicken breasts and prawns. Throw in chutney and mayo heat it all up mixing the chicken and prawns, brown the chicken, make sure not to burn the mixture.

Crush cashew nuts - not too much you still want big chunks of them!

Prepare lettuce, cucumber and tomatoes as you would for any salad. Let it cool then and mix the chicken/prawn/chutney/mayo with the salad and cashew nuts and ENJOY!

I usually serve this with warmed pitta bread!

FAB for Braai's/BBQs

GIRDLEBUSTER PIE

It deserves the UPPERCASE TITLE!! This dessert is to die for dhar-LING!! I enjoyed making and serving this, my boys and nephew HEART it! It's so calorific but who gives a shit when you are enjoying every mouthful, I'm proud to say I SWALLOW! Nigella is not a big girl because she eats lettuce leaves, she's a big gurl cos she loves her food and sometimes cooks gut busting food. All said and done, I HEART it, but this one is for special occasions only!!

BASE

375g Digestives

75g Soft Butter

50g Dark Chocolate pieces or chips

50g Milk Chocolate pieces or chips

(I just used 100g of that red packaged dark choc...Bournville I think its called)

FILLING

1 Litre Coffee Ice Cream

(Fatty Nigella suggests using Vanilla ice-cream if you are feeding children - Fatty Charmz thinks children should just eat what is put in front of them or cook for themselves, lol)

TOPPING

300g Golden Syrup

100g Packed Light Muscovado Sugar

75g Butter

1/4 Teaspoon Maldon Salt (WTF is that) or pinch of table salt (OPTIONAL)

30ml Bourbon (I used Jack Daniels)

125ml Double Cream

Process biscuits and chocolate in food processor, then melt butter and mix to create base.

Press into 23cm pie plat or flan dish. MAKE SURE YOU FORM A LIP OF BISCUIT a little higher than the plate.

Freeze biscuit-lined layer for an hour. In the meantime soften your ice cream.

Spread the ice cream into the hard biscuit lined dish. Cover in clingfilm. Return to freezer.

Put the syrup, sugar and butter into saucepan and let it melt over a low to medium heat, before turning it up and boiling for 5 minutes, then turn off the heat and add the JD, letting it hiss in the pan.

Add the cream and stir to mix into a sauce then leave to COOL, NOT set! Pour it over ice -cream layer put back into freezer covering with clingfilm. Freeze till it all sets.

I made this the night before so it was puuuuurrfect when we started pigging out!

ONE MINUTE ON THE LIPS AND A F*CKING NIGHTMARE TO WORK OFF!! YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!!!

ANOTHER STEP FOR MANKIND - WELCOME PRESIDENT OBAMA

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

God Bless America

BEYONCE NAILED IT!!!!!!!!!! The gurl can sing! I look forward to seeing her performance on inaugural night!

We live in very exciting times! I've seen so much, experienced so much, I'm watching the world slowly change and hopefully become a better place for my boys! Watch this space!

VIVA OBAMA

Traditional Vanilla CupCakes

The book says "This makes 24 cupcakes" I some how managed to end up with 34 friggen cupcakes!! These are ok, 1st attempt in preparation for the birthday cake Im baking for Mo's birthday party. Not really sure I will be baking it regularly, but I must admit I made a boo boo with the ingrediants, they say learn from your past mistakes thats what this bitch is gona do! So here goes

These are from the Magnolia Bakery Cookbook, page 60, Holla if you want the recipe!

Enjoy FAT COW!

Rolled Stuffed Loin of Pork with Rubied Gravy

Nigella, Nigella, Nigella!!! What a Superb dish! I was sick to death of a Turkey Christmas. My nephew wanted spare ribs (very special recipe I concocted with the help of The Chinese, will post one day) my two boys wanted anything but turkey. Sooo I decided on this! Nigella states "The butcher can do a lot of the work for you; you certainly couldn't embark on this using a generic, untailored supermarket joint" Well I'm SuperWoman I did just that, bought the untailored BONELESS supermarket joint, it was Christmas eve after all, lol! Looking at the pix in the book "Nigella Christmas" it looks so complicated but its easy peasy squeezy! The best part was the Rubied Gravy, "oh my my my" LUSH!!!

Buy the book, page 158 and here is the picture of my 1st attempt!! Doesn't look too appetising but believe you me it was D.E.V.I.N.E - pix of gravy have been deleted accidentally! Will repost when I make it again!

Strawberries and Cream Meringue Cake

Something about the title of this recipe makes you think YUMMYLICIOUS!! Hhhhhmmmm well don't be fooled because whichever Fat Chef thought this one up is on crack or has funky tastebuds!!! I enjoyed the strawberries CHECK! I enjoyed the meringue CHECK! The pistachio sponge just doesn't work for me! Maybe you should try it out and see if YOU like it, I wont be making this again! Maybe I didn't bake it for long enough! I had such high hopes for this to be served at one of my summer BBQs but oh no it was not to be!

For the Cake

100g butter - you all know your butter must ALWAYS be at room temp right??!!

100g Golden Castor Sugar

1 Large Egg, plus 2 Egg Yolk (keep the whites for the meringue)

85g Self-Raising Flour

25g Pistachios finely ground

2 tbsp milk

For the Meringue

2 large egg whites

100g Caster Sugar

For the Topping

284ml Carton Double Cream, softly whipped
200g Strawberries, hulled (whatever THAT means), sliced or left whole

Set Oven @ 180degrees C/Gas4/Fan Oven 160degrees C

Beat the butter and Sugar together for 3 - 4 minutes until pale and creamy.

Beat in the egg and egg yolks.

Gently stir in the flour and ground nuts alternately with the milk.

Spoon into the 20cm/18" round tin

Make the Meringue

Whisk egg whites until stiff, then whisk in the sugar a couple at a time until smooth and glossy.

Spoon into the tin and spread it . Bake for 45 minutes until the meringue feels crisp (I think this is where I went wrong) Personally I would cover with tinfoil and bake for longer!

Leave in the tin to cool completely, then spoon the cream over the meringue then the strawberries!

At 446 Calories per serving, its not fucking worth it!

Orange Crunch Biscuits

Now this recipe I found in a Children's Cookbook and both Mohapi (Mo) and I enjoyed making these together!! These tangy biscuits just melt in your mouth (so the recipe says, I beg to differ!) Mo liked them I thought they were aiight!! They can be served with icing for a tasty treat or plain for a simple homemade biscuit. Ok Ok let me cut the crap, these biscuits will not be made again, they are not awful but they are also lacking that WOW Factor! If they were last years contestant on X-Factor they would have been the blonde haired boy who was dubbed Eggnogg by Griffo on BE! Just Mediocre, LOL But HEY, YOU might like them!

Ingredients for 20/24 Biscuits

125g Self Raising Flour

60g Unsalted Butter

60g Soft Dark Brown Sugar

1/2 Egg Yolk

1 tbsp of Clear Runny Honey

1 tsp of Orange Zest

For the Icing

225g Icing Sugar

3 tbsp of Fresh Orange Juice

Heat Oven at 180degrees C (350 F/Gas 4)

Using a table knife, stir the sugar, orange zest, honey and egg into the flour and butter, until the mixture starts to come together in lumps.

Use your hands to bring the lumps together to form a ball of dough.

Briefly knead the dough and then lightly flour the work surface.

Roll the dough into a log, about 5cm in diameter and 10cm long. Wrap the log in cling film and shill it for 1 1/2 hours or until firm.

Grease baking sheets.

Slice the log int 20 - 24 discs and place the biscuits on the baking sheet.

Bake for 7 - 9 minutes

Icing

Beat the icing sugar and orange juice until they form a smooth paste. Put the icing in a piping bag and then drizzle it over the cool biscuits in some funky patterns!

Peanut Butter Cookies

I participated in Secret Santa '08 with some of the Lovely people who post on the BitchingEtc (LivingEtc online forum) and I received the "Mongolia" (its actually THE MAGNOLIA BAKERY COOKBOOK, I spent months wondering WHAT was SO special about this Mongolian Bakery Cookbook, lololol Blondish moment) as a present.

SSsssooooo this is my very first recipe from this book and they turned out FAB.U.LOUS!! My two boys wolfed them down and they are perfect with a warm cup of milk! I don't think you will see alot of "healthy" recipes on my blogs but I can guarantee you that most of them are DEELISH!! Are these better than sex?? Well......that all depends on who you are shagging, on positions, angles, TPS (Thrusts Per Second) etc. lol, ENJOY!!


1 1/4 Cups all-purpose Flour
3/4 Teaspoon Baking Soda

1/2 Teaspoon Baking Powder
1/4 Teaspoon Salt
1/2 Cup (1 Stick) unsalted Butter, Softened

1 Cup Chunky Peanut Butter

3/4 Cup Sugar

1/2 Cup firmly packed Light Brown Sugar
1 Large Egg (at room temperature)

1 Tablespoon Milk
1 Teaspoon Vanilla Extract
1 Cup Peanut Butter

Makes 2 - 3 Dozen Cookies
Preheat over to 350 Degrees

In a large bowl, combine the flour, the baking soda, the baking powder, and the salt. Set aside.

In a large bowl, beat the butter and the peanut butter together until fluffy. Add the egg and mix well.

Add the milk and the vanilla extract. Add the flour mixture and beat thoroughly. Stir in the Peanut Butter Chips (I omitted them).

Drop by rounded teaspoonfuls onto ungreased cookie sheets, leaving several inches between for expansion. Using a fork, lightly indent with crisscross pattern if you want too. Just remember not to flatten cookies too much. Lightly sprinkle cookies with sugar, I didn't, and bake for 10 - 12 minutes. Do not over bake! Cookies may appear to be underdone, but they are not.

Cool the cookies and Enjoy! then remove to a rack to cool!

Coffee Fudge Cake

This is one of those cakes people just HEART! You can either decorate with or without almonds or hazelnuts! I tend to use hazelnuts. If your local tesco/sainsburys etc. doesn't stock Coffee Essence try M&S they always have some! I will be uploading pix later.

INGREDIENTS
150g Margarine, at room temperature
150g Soft Brown Sugar
3 Eggs
150g Self-Raising Flour (sifted)
1 tablespoon Coffee Essence or very strong Black Coffee
1 tablespoon Black Treacle

ICING
100g Butter
225g Icing Sugar (sifted)
1 tablespoon Coffee Essence
1 tablespoon Black Treacle

Chopped Almonds or Toasted Hazelnuts to decorate

Oven: 190 degrees C/375 F/Gas Mark 5
Baking Time: 20 - 25 minutes

1. Grease and line the bottoms of two 20cm (8") cake tins and dredge with flour
2. Mix all the dry ingredients and beat in the eggs one at a time.
3. Fold in the Coffee Essence and Treacle
4. Divide between the two baking ting, level the tops and bake in the preheated oven for 20-25 minutes or until well risen and just firm to the touch. Turn out on to wire tray and leave to cool.
5. To make the Icing, cream the butter until soft, gradually beat in the icing sugar, the the Coffee Essence and Treacle to give e smooth spreading consistency.

If you care to know how FAT (welcome to MY world bitch) you are gonna get after consuming, Nutrition content is as follows:

Kilo calories = 515 per slice fat cow!
Carbs = 65g
Fat = 28g
Fibre = 1g